I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
