mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
