Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
