to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
