is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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