I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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