I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
