2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I puked a lego.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
