we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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