Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
