I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
