You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
