my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
