do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
