All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
