This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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