mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
