Your tits are I can't wait for
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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