i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
