oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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