It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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