We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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