It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
