New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
