Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize