gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
