Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
