Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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