Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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