The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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