I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
