my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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