there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
