I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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