I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
