I'm gonna have a badass scar
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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