I accidentally had phone sex last night
My liver just broke up with me...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
