He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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