Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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