you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
