Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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