I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
