I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
