Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
