walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
