Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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