She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
