it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I checked into jail on foursquare
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
