Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At least life still wants to fuck me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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