sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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