she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
