i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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