sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
