So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
