STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
