oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize