What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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