Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's never too late to be topless.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
