I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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