Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i love accidental penises.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
