I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
