the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
