so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize