Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
