I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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