I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
