So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
