It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
