i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize