Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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