Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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