I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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