I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
