In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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