Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
