So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
