but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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