at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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