He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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