I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
